What Should You Not Drive in NYC?
Jeffrey | October 2015
Big city driving sucks! Out east, the roads are narrow, it’s crowded and space is tight. In Manhattan, pedestrians take the right of way whether they have it or not. Blame the Pakistani taxi drivers if you want, but the average driver just wants to get from point ‘A’ to point ‘B’ without hitting a jaywalker or side-swiping a double parked car. Then they want to park without spending an hour looking for a parking space.
Enter the Ford F-350, our pick for the best car to never drive in NYC. What, you ask, makes this car so perfectly bad at navigating the narrow, jay-walker packed, double parked streets of Manhattan?
At over 20 feet long and 9 feet wide, this F-350 is bigger than some apartments (seriously!), which means you’ll have no hope of finding a parking spot, you’re very likely to side swipe a double parked car, and good luck avoiding that jaywalker when your ‘car’ is half as wide as most of the side streets. Also, that line of cars behind you will definitely appreciate not being able to squeeze by you when you’re waiting to turn left. Nice job, A$$ H0&3!
You may be furious, but you’re certainly won’t be fast in this beast. In fact, Paul Walker would roll over in his grave if you thought, even for a second, of drag racing that minivan next to you. Toretto wouldn’t be amused either, if you attempted to weave through traffic trying to beat the next red light…you’d just look silly with your brake lights looking more like a strobe as you slam on the gas and break with each failed attempt to get past that sweet old lady in front of you in the ’85 Fleetwood. Yep, you’re screwed. Better check your Tinder before you pop a vein.
What’s that? You managed to find parking on the street? Congratulations! Now pay up. For TWO spaces! That’s right! Your ‘car’ is so big you’ll likely take up two parking spots. Oh. You didn’t find a spot on the street? There’s a shocker….there’s always the parking garage. Early bird special is only $9 for the half hour. Lucky you. But hey, look on the bright side, at 8 mpg city, you’ll be able to get from one tip of Manhattan to the other for less than it’ll cost you to park for 2 hours. That’s value, NYC style!
Your pretty little souped up four-wheel drive will probably have a key dug into its side before your little field trip to Manhattan is over. Either that, or some pissed off cab driver might take a Louisville Slugger to both tail lights when you make him sit for five minutes because you’re trying to turn left from a side street. Best leave this baby at home, and call Uber.
Photos courtesy of Ford.